“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
2 Corinthians 12:9
Parenting with a mental illness can be humbling. It can also be testing of the joy we once knew in our family. At one stage of recovery I watched people being responsive to my baby and toddler while I felt I wasn’t. I tried not to judge myself or feel worse (if that were possible!). It was what it was. I felt some maternal feelings, but I was blunted in my feelings and thoughts due to the medications I needed to be on (the benefits way out weighted the side effects). It was a huge achievement me just being out of hospital and managing to stay with my family.
I needed to notice each thing I could do. Many tasks took a mountain of courage or energy I didn’t feel I had. I was racked with anxiety and was at times despairing. Becoming stronger and more well in myself was a long journey. I seemed blind to how far I’d come because of the discomfort I still felt. But others had eyes to notice and tell me of the progress I was making. My friend and mentor Bron Tait (another Bronnie) encouraged me often with what progress she was noticing in me. I also learnt to take note of the smallest of positive changes in my thoughts, feelings or just what I was able to do.
A Mindfulness Journal
A practice I’ve found incredibly helpful is to keep a journal of small things I have made progress in. I might write only one or two lines. Writing something I’m grateful to God for – builds my faith in his faithfulness. As I became increasingly well I often wrote something small I’d managed. It could have been driving somewhere new, or going to church and talking to someone after the service. I haven’t always been the best at noting progress down but I have found it rewarding. By pausing and noticing we build gratitude and hope in God’s resurrection power at work in us. We look for more change because we know Christ is alive in us. It may sound very basic or too simple – that’s what makes it achievable. We can note God’s grace in our weakness, and then respond to him. It’s a form of worship.
© Bronnie Leigh
Back in that time period I had suddenly lost the confidence to do the smallest of things. Tiny victories can be tangible signs of growth and hope. They build on each other bringing strength. You know the victories that are significant to you. Re-reading over them builds faith in God’s faithfulness to you and your family. His mercies are new every morning. So if we look carefully we will see God revealing himself to us every day (Lamentations 3:22). It is victory building on victory. Let’s believe for more of these.
Prayer- Father God thank you that you love me and my family. I can depend on you to give us everything we need to get through this. Please provide for us in these ways… I lean into you with my whole self. I can trust you with my family. You are good. Your grace is sufficient for us.
In peace,
Bronnie
Reviving Hope 